Do you ever wonder if your own quips and thoughts are to others as interesting, thought provoking, disturbing (in a good way), disturbing (in a bad way), moving, and fascinating as their comments are to you?

French Vanilla … half a step above plain old fashioned sweetened frozen cream.

I like this ‘blog … as I recall there are only two direct links to it … that makes it feel a bit like my favorite little diner that only the locals know… except for a few people who stumble upon it accidentally (and like that little diner you found once while on vacation but were never able to find again) and who lost their way back … I know all of the patrons well. It is a bit like having sex in an out of the way public place. If you pay attention a little off to the left I am exposed … or you can just move past.

FUCK

The panic is …
I just …
FUCK. I should have worked harder, done something more marketable. If I wasn’t so lazy and selfish I wouldn’t be unemployed. If I were a better person I would have a job I love and a happy life in which things made sense. Because I think I deserve something better than … I don’t know … my sense of entitlement is outrageous. You only get what you earn and years of going through life being given things is catching up with me. I’m just like my FUCKING SISTER. Wasting and spoiling every opportunity I am given. I should have stayed in California. I am not useful for anything else. I am not even very useful for that.

And off to battle I go...

Allons enfants de la Patrie
Le jour de gloire est arrivé.
Contre nous, de la tyrannie,
L'étandard sanglant est levé,
l'étandard sanglant est levé,
Entendez-vous, dans la compagnes.
Mugir ces farouches soldats
Ils viennent jusque dans nos bras
Egorger vos fils, vos compagnes.
Aux armes citoyens!
Formez vos bataillons,
Marchons, marchons!
Qu'un sang impur
Abreuve nos sillons.

Amour sacré de la Patrie,
Conduis, soutiens nos bras vengeurs,
Liberté, liberté cherie,
Combats avec tes defénseurs;
Combats avec tes défenseurs.
Sous drapeaux, que la victoire
Acoure à tes mâles accents;
Que tes ennemis expirants
Voient ton triomphe et notre gloire!
Aux armes citoyens!
Formez vos bataillons,
Marchons, marchons!
*Qu'un sang impur
Abreuve nos sillons.

*That is my favorite part ... "Their impure blood shall water our fields"

Should I worry?

... that my friends demand intoxicants before I should ever tell them I'm getting married and they want to eat my young?


... Eh, probably no more so than they should worry about my demands for a human head so I can make headcheese.

I'm in LOVE

What I think is most unsettling about my new love is that my friends (all of whom, myself included, take great pride in being as insulting and cutting as possible when it comes to our interactions) did not ignore my relationship, nor did they mock it (much). They were rather encouraging of him, me, and our relationship. This has "long haul" implications that a "man eating bitch" like myself can not think about for too long w/o a small needle of panic slipping in.

The rest of the weekend was just as wonderful. Inspite, or perhaps because of, our love of insulting each other we all had a wonderfull time and I am glad of heart that I have friends that close.

In other news my sister thanked my parents and I for the Christmas gifts ... mentioning how much my nephew loved my gift in particular. Bwahahahahaha. Apparently little Owen spends most of his day dragging around and beating his little drum.