Thursday, May 12, 2005

I'll be honest

... I have been drinking a bit ... but this relates to my quantifying love as well as ... other things. I am on of "those women" I have always know that given the right person I would be one of "those women." As I was watching TV tonight I realized that even to myself I knew I was one of the women who, if he was the right person, would put everything in my life second to him. On one hand I was certainly never sure that the "right man for me" existed and so I drove my life under the assumption he didn't, but I also drove it with the understanding that should I find him my primary goal would be furthering his dreams. I wanted to do as much as I could untill the time if/when I found the man that I considered more important than me. By more important than me I don't mean that he is better connected or has more money ... but that is more important than me in my life. I knew I was in LOVE when I realized that my goals were his goals ... and there is no way to describe it better than that ... true love is insideous ... it creeps up on you slowly and you don't even realize it is happening. One day you just realize that the things you considered important have changed ... there is no "Eureka!" moment. It slowly dawns on you in the small moments ... when something feels off, wrong and you understand that it is because that other person isn't there. You feel strange without them ... and like a missing limb you have phantom pains ... too often I have gone through my day and, do to our unfortunate distance, realized that I was turning to share or confer with a person who wasn't there. I watched "Steel Magnolias" and when Julia Roberts' character died my first thought wasn't "How sad she died and her life ended." it was sadness for her husband ... because I couldn't imagine hurting him like that.

So to answer the question put to me ... Love is when you can't imagine your life without them ... Love is when you are who you knew you would be ... and I can't quantify it. There is no logical process that tells you you are in love ... you just know. I wish deeply that I had a logical answer to the qustion ... I wish I had I check list for it ... but I don't. You just KNOW. And maybe you will find that person ... maybe you wont ... but honsetly ... I don't care ... because I did.

Monday, May 09, 2005

Rain

I love the rain. Rain makes me happy but I have noticed that when it rains the people I sketch and doodle are never smiling.