Failure!

I tried the new format (henceforth junked, excepting THINGS THAT ARE SWEET) for a couple of reasons, but they all boil down to essentially the same thing. I am no good at accepting compliments.

Go ahead, say I have self-esteem issues. I don't mind.

I changed the format because:

1. I think my own life is rather dull and can't imagine anyone wanting to read about it.

2. The level of self-obsession needed to maintain a 'blog that contains little else beyond my own thoughts and what I think about those thoughts has always seemed a little disgusting to me.

Now, before those of you who said you don't like the new format say anything please remember, "I am no good at accepting compliments." I really am excruciatingly bad at it. If you ask Lee he will tell you that often when complimented I smile, lower my eyes, say "Thank you" and touch my nose. While I can't explain the nose touching specifically (just another strange little Amber tic) I will say that the combination of behaviors is a direct result of having no earthly idea what to do. I am only good at accepting compliments when I feel I have earned them. I am grateful for compliments regarding things I have worked hard to accomplish. "That painting is lovely. Your brushwork shows promise." To this I beam and reply that I spent a great deal of time working on my brush work and color blending skills.

"You are very pretty" "You are so well spoken" These are the sorts of compliments that bother me. I become flustered and uncomfortable. Why? Because I don't believe I had anything to do with the aspect of myself that is being complimented. It is as though people are saying "The fact and nature of your existence pleases me." While I doubt they are intended to be such I view these sorts of compliments to be the highest form of flattery. The idea that all I have to do to please someone is simply BE, is far too heady for me.

To bring this back to the format for The Thoughts of Youth, I originally changed it because I felt I owed those of you out there reading something a little better than just me. Just me is dull, whiny, angry, and self-absorbed.

The idea that people, anyone really but even more shocking people I respect, might actually prefer to read my one-sided conversations with the world is the highest compliment I have ever been paid. And I have NO IDEA what to do with it. Thank you.

THINGSTHAT ARE SWEET
Women's lower expectations can lead to a bigger pay off. Once again it sucks to be male.

Italian, Catholic Family Magazine shows a naked woman in sexually provocative advertisement.