I might be wrong
but I think that part of the reason that people became so excited about my conversation with Stacy is that they have wanted to say something to her themselves and were unwilling.
So often in life we are complicit in our own ill treatment. I think that there is the hope that the Stacys of the world will some how, over time, realize the error of their ways of their own accord. No one wants to say anything because the "mature" thing to do is ignore other people's bad behavior. While I believe that is often true (there is usually little to be gained from yelling at every rude person who talks loudly on their cell phone at the next table) but I see little honor or maturity in allowing people to insult you. We can all hope that all individuals mature beyond catty sniping but the honest fact is that they don't. You find the same behavior at all ages and education levels ... at 13, 25, 40, and 80 there are those who want to be one of the "cool kids." That "High School" behavior is in no way limited to High School or even limited to those sad and sorry people who could never grow beyond High School rivalries.
We all like to think that we are taking the high road by ignoring verbal barbs and sometimes we are. And sometimes we are being cowards. We ignore it because then the smooth flow of our social world can be maintained. We ignore it because we are all just a little afraid that if we oppose those who malign us we will discover that everyone we care about likes them just a little bit better than they like us. We ignore it because there is something embarrassing about admitting that such a small thing in the world really does bother us.
Yes, it is silly and small but it is there in life until you die. Death, Taxes and Snotty Gossip are all assured parts of the human experience.
In further news I was recently asked to quantify "LOVE" ... I responded that I would have to think on it a bit. If I am able to come up with anything that even approximates an answer, fear not! I will share it.
posted by TheAmber at 1:00 AM
5 Comments:
Yup, I agree. I think the other part is that decent people tend to cultivate the ability to forget little insults as quickly as possibly, so its easy to forget that its not just a one time thing, etc. I was certainly thinking of the saltine thing without all the other context that you brought up. Some people manage to slid through life exclusively by taking advantage of the civility of others, and by the fact that it isn't legal to make them duel.
And, it is espicially easy and nice to swoop in as the friend from out of town and do that sort of thing. I certainly have a couple times before, and I enjoyed the hell out of it.
Amber,
The balance is really delicate - in calling out someone for their own bad behavior, behavior that may be the result from insecurity, wanting to be the high school popular kid, or whatever, you risk coming across as one of those people, too, whose calling out-ness is motivated by wanting to have the last word or be the queen bee.
But I know that's not you, don't worry :) Some people can really benefit from an adjustment to their behavior. Maybe this Stacy chick has never really reflected on her social interactions. You may have helped her. Or I may be giving her the benefit of the doubt that she doesn't deserve!
Regardless... you go!
Oh Amber,
Maybe in your quest to quantify love, you could start with or at least address whether there are degrees of love... like when someone says, "I love you so much," is that really different from just saying "I love you"?
Something I wonder about, as I myself have yet to successfully quantify love in my own mind. Glad it's your task!!!
Diana
Amber,
Did you ever hear anything from Jen's school re: employment?
Bob,
Yeah I enjoyed not having to be concerned about larger group dynamics and possible repercussions because I was outside the group
Di,
1) Thank you for expressing the concept I was stumbling around. Yes there is always the risk of being seen as a drama queen or thin skinned. At the same time you can't complain about people being rude or snotty if you never tell them that their behavior is offensive. Why on EARTH should they stop what they are doing if there are no consequences? And hoping that it will just "get around to them" that what they are doing upsets people seems silly.
2) I will try to address that (a post it nebulously forming in my mind) with a nod to the difference between familial love and romantic love ... we shall see
3) Negatory on the job. Ah well.
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